Amanda Epstein
Prof Nyland
Eng-101-65
November 2, 2013
Not All Families Need a Mom and a
Dad
These
days families come in many forms and styles.
The old family structure of a mom, a dad and 2 children is becoming less
and less the norm. Many families are
broken homes consisting of divorced parents and remarried parents, these
usually include step children. Sometimes
parents are not capable of raising their children, so other must do it for
them. There are grandparents who are
raising their grandkids, aunts and uncles raising their nieces and
nephews. Even family friends are
sometimes tasked with raising their god kids.
Each family structure brings different things to the table that benefit
children.
Though
there are many family structures, many people see one type of family as a
lesser option, though gay and lesbian parents can actually be a benefit to children,
bringing different views and support. There
are many states in the country that restrict these people from adopting. In Maryland, for example, single gay people
can adopt, but not as a couple (Maryland). Also, Florida just lifted the ban on gay
adoption. It used to be that gay people
could foster children, but could not adopt or become legal guardians for
children (Schwartz). These parents are
an asset to children because they make sure they are not missing out on
anything. Having gay or lesbian parents
may even be better for the children and for the system overall.
Gay
and lesbian parents have more fluid views of gender roles. Children with two moms or two dads see both
parents sharing home and child care responsibilities more evenly (Elias). Being that there are two women or two men,
the traditional male and female roles are thrown out the window. Women have to do the traditional men roles,
such as yard work, bringing home pay, and being a handyman. Household led by men have to assume female
roles such as, cook, caregiver, and house worker. These modern views on gender break down the
barriers placed on each gender, and allow boys and girls to aspire to be
anything they want to be. For instance,
traditionally nurses have been females, but men are starting to take on those
jobs of nurses also. Boys raised by
lesbian mothers are like any other boys, but they also tend to be more
sensitive and sympathetic to other’s feelings (Elias). At an early age children’s views are not set
in stone, they are shaped by the people and world around them as they grow. Boys and girls are encouraged to play with
all kinds of toys, not just the ones that are for girls or for boys. Girls can play with blocks and trucks, just
as much as boys can play house and play with dolls. Some people have the view that a child needs
both a make and a female role model to develop healthy gender roles. In contrast, there are many children in the
world who only have their mother or their father. They get role models from other areas of
life, such as teachers, aunts and uncles and family friends can be that other
role model for these kids.
This
role sharing passes down to children, showing them what is expected of them,
and translates into career choices.
Children learn at an early age that anyone can do anything, just because
they are male or female doesn’t mean they are limited to what they can and
cannot do. According to Marilyn Elias, a
reporter for USA Today, research has shown that children raised by lesbian
parents aspire to careers that are less typical for their gender. Heterosexual mothers also have a more rigid
views and expectations when it comes to how boys and girls should behave
(Elias).
Any
child who gets placed with a gay couple will have a higher likelihood of having
an open mind, it is the parents that teach views to the children. There was a study done of 46 adults, and 28
of them said they feel they are more open minded because they had gay parents
(Pappas). Children are brought up in a
world where differences are celebrated, not condemned. They are taught from an early age that
everyone is different and that is what makes everyone unique. Our culture as a whole, sees anyone who is
different as a lesser person or as something that is wrong and should be shut
out. Open minded children look at
differences as just a part of who someone is, some don’t even see the
differences between themselves and others.
They are more likely to look past racial and religious differences when
choosing friends and partners. The
majority of people in the world have a prejudice towards one or more group of
people, and many of them are based on stereotypes or one bad interaction. One bad experience with a person of color,
for example, can taint a person’s view of all African Americans, even though it
is not a representation of the entire race.
Along
with being open minded, comes an open relationship with parents. The households are more open when it comes to
conversations with children, and secrets are rare. Friedrichs notes that gay and lesbian parents
tend to keep less secrets from their children and have more open and honest
discussions. She also says that they
are more likely to discuss sensitive topics, such as sexuality and
discrimination (friedrichs). Children
with gay and lesbian parents usually have more questions because their world
looks different than that of other children.
There are Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but what about the children who
do not have a mother and a father.
Questions will arise especially during these times, and the parents will
be more open to having those conversations with their children.
As children go through life, they are not
blind to the prejudices of people around them and the children of these
unorthodox families see more firsthand than other children. Seeing this cruelty shows them how to act
towards and respect others. Growing up
in a world where differences are celebrated, kids are more understanding of
other’s problems. My cousin Sarah, who
has two moms, told me that she feels she understands other people’s problems
more because of everything her moms had to go though (Braker). Hate crimes and jokes are often aimed at the
gay population, and are not nice to them.
When people do not understand something, they make fun of it rather than
try to understand it. The gay and
lesbian community has always been under attack from outsiders. Children are not sheltered from the ridicule
from peers and the rest of the world.
They become stronger and more able to let the remarks roll off their
backs and not take them personally. Some
critics of gay families say that their children will be ridiculed and picked on
more. Sharon Jayson, a psychology
expert, comments that though these kids are teased more about their family, but
overall they are not teased any more than any other children (Jayson). The gay and lesbian community is a strong and
supportive asset for these children. The
community rallies together and supports each family who needs it. There are pride events each year, magazines
published for these families and support centers all across the country. Elias states that kids with a greater amount
of love, support and acceptance will be able to bounce back from the torment of
others. She also comments that some children
claim that the strong community becomes their rock as they get older (Elias).
Most
parents want their children to be anything they want to be, while secretly
hoping they won’t be this or that. On
the other hand, gay and lesbian parents really do wish the best for their
children. If their children turn out to
be gay themselves, gay parents will be there to support their child though the
hardships that life can cause. Straight
parents are usually not so supportive, there have been many reports of teen
suicides and parents kicking their children out if they choose that
lifestyle. Though not all teen suicides
are because they are gay, there are approximately 4600 suicides in people
between the ages of 10 and 24 (Center). Organizations, such as the Trevor Project,
have been set up to give teenagers a place to call or turn to when they feel
like they have nowhere to turn.
Gay
couples cannot have that “oops” baby, they have a lot of hurdles to jump over
in order to get their family.
Heterosexual couples have to worry about unplanned pregnancy and having
children they were not ready for or did not want. Between teenage pregnancies and unplanned
pregnancies there are thousands of children in the world who are not loved or
cared for. Stephanie Pappas, a reporter
for the Huffington Post, makes the point that the accidental pregnancy rate is
up to almost 50 percent. There are two
options available for gay and lesbian couples, adoption or a version of
reproductive technology. Lesbian couples
can use a sperm bank and artificial insemination, and gay couples can use
surrogates. While heterosexual couples
can have children whenever they want, gay and lesbian couples have to go
through months, sometimes even years, of steps, tests and scrutiny to start
their family. It is for that reason that
the gay and lesbian couples treasure their children more. Their children benefit because they are
wanted and doted upon, they are the center of their parent’s world. As children get older and start to understand
the biology of having babies, they learn to appreciate what their parents had
to go through to welcome them into their family. Gay and lesbian couples want their children
to have the best of everything, from material things to education. Most of these families tend to be more well
off, both adoption and reproductive technology costs can be anywhere from
$15,000 and up. Couples either have to
have the money in the bank or go into debt trying to create their family. The money couples have usually go towards giving
their children all the advantages they can afford, giving them all the tools
they need to succeed in life.
A
lot of gay people know what it feels like to be unwanted, to be left behind, so
they can connect with these children.
Since gay couples cannot have their own biological children, they are
more open to helping unwanted children, and giving them their forever
home. Approximately 10 percent of
children adopted by gay and lesbians were over the age of 6, and many couples
adopted from different races (Same-Sex). Homosexual couples have been victims of
prejudice, and often times have had to endure feelings of abandon, so they know
how important it is to give a child unconditional love and support. So many children who are in need of homes
feel guilt and abandonment issues, so much so that it takes more love and
support to help them feel loved and secure.
Any child who needs parents should be able to have them, and gay parents
are available. There are children
available for adoption, and many gay couples who are looking to open their
homes, lives, and hearts to a child. It
is a much better life for these children to have gay parents, and be raised by
these parents, than to spend their life in the foster care system until they
age out.
There
are hundreds of thousands of children in the foster care system all around the
world. At the end of September 2012,
there were almost 400,000 children in the foster care system, and the average
age of the children was 9 years old (United States). The children in foster care have lost one or
both of their parents, and need someone to care for them. Some are placed in foster homes, some are
living with other family members, and others are in state run institutions. They range in age from newborn to age twenty,
with an average age of 9.3 (United States).
Children over the age of three are less desired by couples looking to
adopt, many of whom want a healthy baby they can call their own. These older children are harder to place in
homes and spend many years in the foster care system. As many as 27,000 children age out of the
foster care system each year (United States).
There is a lot of money spent on educating potential parents and caring
for these children. If more people were
allowed to adopt then less money would have to be spend from the government on
these institutions.
More
and more gay and lesbian couples are deciding to start their family. They have to weigh the options as to how they
want to do it, and the consequences of their decisions. Consideration has to be given to the support
they will have for their family and the obstacles they will face. These families are strong and confident, and
bring things to the table that many heterosexual couples do not. Allowing these couples that want children to
have their families, gives the children advantages in their life. Many of the children would spend their lives
under state care if not adopted by these untraditional families. Gay and lesbian parents offer these children
the same securities of traditional families and some children have greater
advantages to traditional upbringing.
Allowing gay and lesbians to adopt children will lessen the burden to
the foster care system and help couples start their families.
Works Cited
Braker, Sarah. Message to the author. 28 Oct. 2013. E-mail.
Center for Disease Control and Prevention. N.p., 15 Aug. 2012. Web.
31 Oct. 2013.
<http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pub/youth_suicide.html>.
Elias, Marilyn. "Growing up with Gay Parents." USA Today 23 Aug. 2001: n. pag. USA Today. Web. 30 Oct. 2013.
Friedrichs, Ellen. "A Family Does Not Have to Include a
Mother and a Father." Gay Parenting:
n. pag. Opposing Viewpoints in Context.
Web. 25 Oct. 2013.
Jayson, Sharon. "Gay couples: A close look at this modern
family." USA Today 5 Nov. 2009,
Life: 06D. Academic Search Premier.
Web. 23 Oct. 2013.
Maryland Adoption Laws. Human Rights Campaign, 9 Dec. 2009. Web. 10
Nov. 2013.
Pappas, Stephanie. "Gay Parents Better Than Straight Parents?
What Research Says." Huffington Post
16 Jan. 2012: n. pag. Huffington Post.
Web. 30 Oct. 2013.
- - -. "Same-Sex Parenting is Beneficial." Parenting: n. pag. Opposing Viewpoints in Context. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.
Schwartz, John. "Florida Court Calls Ban on Gay Adoptions
Unlawful." New York Times 22
Sept. 2010: n. pag. New York Times Online.
Web. 7 Nov. 2013.
United Sates Department of Health and Human Services.
Administration for Children and Families. Administration on Children, Youth and
Families. "AFCARS Report #20". Children's
Bureau. July 2013. Web. 10 Nov. 2013
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